CivilPsych Services

Families

Families

Every person in a family is running their own meaning about what the others do. When those meanings never get said out loud, the same fights come back.

Written by Dr. Heath, Ph.D. Neuropsychology, Ph.D. Forensic Psychology. 40+ years of cognitive behavioral work. Reviewed November 2026.

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What's really going on

What people say"Our family is dysfunctional." The word covers everything and explains nothing.
What's usually happeningA parent reads a slammed door as disrespect. The teen reads the lecture as proof nobody listens. A sibling decides to stay quiet. Each one answers a meaning, not the event. Get the meanings on the table and the family can talk about the real thing.

What you might notice

  • Everyone can predict how the argument will go.
  • One person gets blamed for most of the trouble.
  • Kids have started to parent their parents.
  • People avoid each other in the same house.
  • Since a loss, a move, a divorce or an illness, the family runs on new rules nobody has said out loud.

How we work on it

The same method every time: find the thought, test it, practice a better one.

  1. Hear from everyoneTogether and, where it helps, one at a time.
  2. Find each meaningWhat each person has decided the others' words and actions mean.
  3. Check them against the factsIn the room, with the people involved.
  4. Practice at homeOne change for the week, small enough to actually happen.

Questions

Does everyone have to come?

It helps, but the work can start with whoever is willing.

Is family therapy the same as couples therapy?

They use the same method. Family work includes kids or other relatives; couples work is the two partners.

Can we do it by video?

Yes, if you live in Arkansas or Missouri. Some families mix video and in-person sessions in Jonesboro.

Next

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