CivilPsych Services

Individuals, Arkansas and Missouri

Grief

Sadness after a loss is normal. It means someone mattered. Grief tends to get stuck when it is carried by conclusions like "I should have stopped it" or "moving on means forgetting them."

Written by Dr. Heath, Ph.D. Neuropsychology, Ph.D. Forensic Psychology. 40+ years of cognitive behavioral work. Reviewed November 2026.

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What's really going on

What people say"I should be over it by now." As if grief ran on a timetable everyone shares.
What's usually happeningThere is no correct schedule. The loss is a fact. The weight comes from what you conclude it means: guilt, a promise to stay sad as proof of love, or a belief that life can't hold meaning now. Those conclusions can be tested, and none of them is the same thing as love.

What you might notice

  • You replay what you could have done differently.
  • You avoid their things, their room or their name.
  • Holidays and anniversaries bring the same thoughts back for weeks.
  • You feel guilty for any good day.
  • Other people seem to expect you to be done.

How we work on it

The same method every time: find the thought, test it, practice a better one.

  1. Tell it your wayWho you lost and what they meant to you.
  2. Find the verdictsGuilt, promises and rules about how grief is supposed to go.
  3. Test themIncluding the ones you would never say out loud.
  4. Carry them forwardDecide how the person you lost stays part of the life you keep living.

Questions

Is grief a mental illness?

No. Grief is a normal response to losing someone. Therapy helps when it has stopped moving.

Will therapy make me forget them?

No. The goal is to remember them without the guilt and the rules that keep you stuck.

Do you work with families grieving together?

Yes. Families can come in together or one at a time.

Next

Call (870) 219-6312 Other ways to reach me

If you are in crisis or thinking about harming yourself, call or text 988, or call 911.